Apologies to the folks at Franks APA who will read this in issue # 91, but I simply had to post it here...

Following is a cautionary tale for those who dare to bring haggis and felines together in a single room. And while nature - and cats - may abhor a vacuum, they sure seem to love the results....

See, we were going to have haggis topped with a bit of Laphroaig to welcome in 2006 � complete with neeps and tatties.

That was the plan.

We had received not one � but three cans of haggis for Christmas and all of the givers hoped that we would consume said canned sheep parts for Hogmanay.

So we decided to partly oblige.

We had already planned our traditional Southern meal of black eyed peas, collard greens and liver pudding for New Years Day � so we would have the haggis on New Years Eve, we reasoned. (Can�t have enough critter parts, that�s what I say)

(OK � I don�t really say that).

But, my friends, canned sheep parts can be oh so very reluctant about leaving their tinned rest. No amount of cajoling, gentle prodding or tapping could remove the thing.

Finally, just as my husband had decided to resort to power tools and dire incantations, the tiny bag of guts and barley attacked without warning � the vacuum seal gave way, shooting a high-pressure stream of haggis juice in all directions � hitting him with full force in the chest, me in the face and giving the kitchen ceiling � 11 feet up � a new decorative treatment.

At once, all three cats came running - full of accusatory looks, as though they had never eaten anything before in their lives - and tucked into a fine meal of haggis that was now dripping down onto the floor like some kind of kitty manna from heaven. They hissed and growled as we tried to clean it up � so we left them to the bits on the floor as we found a ladder to clean the ceiling.

Eventually we ate - surrounded by wide-eyed kitties who were sure that the haggis had been prepared for them alone. We shared in the offal bounty and for a moment, there was only the sounds of contented haggis consumption.

And all was good.

And that, my friends, is how 2006 began.